7 months later- it's a long one

In the midst of sleep training, I am finally finding a few moments to write a new entry.

I've wanted to do this every step of the way in order to keep every one up to date and also have an accurate description of feelings and emotions and accomplishments and trials and tribulations along the way.  But like every other plan I've made since the girls have been born, I'm a tad bit tardy... :)

I just went back and skimmed through my previous posts I wrote while I was in the hospital. It feels like a lifetime ago and a different person.  I remember how hard it was, but it seems like nothing now.  I was not prepared for the amount of love and fulfillment my new life with my family would bring me.  As soon as I delivered our girls and knew that they would be ok, an inner peace that I had been waiting so long for had finally taken over.  I was completely at peace with our journey, as it was just beginning.  Everything that I had ever wanted, just came to fruition.  I was a mom, and not just any mom - I was a mom to 2 beautiful little momo angel babies that we and so many others had prayed for.  These girls are miracles, which makes being their mom so much more special.  It doesn't hurt that they are SO stinkin CUTE!

I hate that I have to write this in hindsight, but that's where we are.

So after bringing the girls home, and up until about 41/2 months it was pretty much all screams.

The first 2 months I was pumping and bottle feeding because I had to add formula to my breast milk for extra weight gain for our preemie babies.  Feeding them was a struggle to say the least.  You had to hold them in a certain position so they wouldn't choke as a result of their silent reflux and pull their tiny chins down and try to pry their tongue off of the roof of their mouth in order to get the bottle in, and then try to keep them awake in order to take an ounce.  I never imagined how difficult feeding would be.  So after the amount of time that took, I would then have to go pump for 10-15 minutes and store my milk for future feedings. After, I think, the second doctors appointment, the pediatrician said they hand't gained enough weight so we had to force feed them like we did in the NICU.  It was an exhausting process, but with preemie twins, everything pretty much is.

Then the girls developed colic.  They screamed every single night from 7-12.  In a desperate attempt to try anything anyone would suggest, I constantly did squats around the house and bought a huge exercise ball and bounced them on it for hours.  Those were the only things that would bring some relief.  During the first few months, Dal was away a lot.  Without my family and his, I would not have survived.  I had help for about 41/2 months.  I either stayed at my moms, or my parents came here, and his grandparents were here a lot to help with the girls and the house, my grandma stayed with me, and Wayne stayed with the dogs at one point so I could go back to my moms where I had the most help with so many family and friends around. It's all sort of a blur now.  I have to say, I had more patience than I ever imagined I could.  My heart broke for my girls.  They would try to eat, but they would choke - their bodies told them they were full because it was coming back up, so they would stop eating, but couldn't sleep soundly because they were hungry, so they would want to eat again soon.  

After 2 months we got the OK to stop with the formula and I could exclusively breast feed.  This was a HUGE goal of mine.  I didn't know how, but I was determined to breast feed my twins.  HOLY HELL. Talk about pain.   I thought the C Section was bad.  Then came nipple pain.  I will spare you the details, but wow.  Now, no one could help me with a feeding or let me sleep through a feeding, it was all on me.  I truly don't know how our bodies allow us to be so sleep deprived.  I was nursing the girls every hour because of their reflux, and that included through the night.  Finally we found a medicine that helped them and life has been much better since.  

So months 5&6 were much better.  The girls weren't screaming all day and all night, we sort of had a handle on things and their personalities were starting to really shine.  The laughter started and Dal could finally see how much the girls love him.  He came home April 29th and has been home ever since, which has been AWESOME! (except we still wish all our family would stay with us and help us 24/7 because we still feel out numbered lol but I guess y'all needed a break ;)

I wouldn't say things have gotten easier, it's a different kind of hard.  The girls are so active now that trying to keep them in my arms is hard especially when one is still nursing and the other one wants to jump out of my arms.  And I think the sleep deprivation has finally caught up to me after 7 months because my nerves are sort of shot - just ask Dal (love you babe). So we have officially started sleep training.  We are on night 3 and they are adjusting well (I think I cried as long as they did the first night). I need to get a handle on things and take back control, because I have been completely ruled by these two angels for a while now! stay tuned :)

As I was reading through my previous posts, I was once again taken aback and completely humbled  by all of my friends and family who have supported me during the most difficult year of my life.  My pregnancy was terrifying.  I don't know what I would have done or how this all would have ended up if I didn't have you all there every step of the way lifting my spirits and encouraging and supporting me through it all.  I could never thank you all enough. 

I remember going through my whole life always wanting to be a stay at home mom.  People thought I was weird.  I remember thinking in college, like what the hell am I supposed to do here? What is my purpose?  I don't want to be a lawyer, a doctor, an accountant, a nurse, or anything specific.  Come to find out, all of that is in the details of my job description now. :) 

I can really truly say (thanks to my husband who doesn't get enough credit from me) that my life dream has come true and I am so happy to be living it every single day.  

I am beyond blessed to have these 2 perfect humans to look at and spend my days with.  I am eternally grateful for their health. I look at them in awe and always remember their rarity and everything we had to go through to get them here.  I know it was all in God's hands and as I have said before, Dal's mom and my Gram had everything to do with getting these girls safely in our arms, I just wish they could be here to hold them too. I know they are with us and the girls see and talk to them; I believe that whole heartedly.