"It is what it is"

Finding out we were having twins was the ultimate shock. (Well, I always had a hunch I would have identical twin girls but still - this was our new reality) 
From the day we found out, the doctors spoke about trying to find a dividing membrane in between the sacs of the 2 girls.  I wasn't really sure what the difference would be but then they spoke about mono mono twins. So off to google we went. Then came the tears and fears. For someone who always wanted to be pregnant and be a mother, you never expect your first time to be with 2 and then to have such a unique and trying pregnancy. It has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. From worry to shame to what if or why, then to "it is what it is". Acceptance was hard to come by because at every weekly visit we had doctors in search for this dividing membrane, and were always so disappointed when they couldn't find it. It was heartbreaking to see someone else disappointed for you when we were just so happy to be pregnant. 
Our first OB - whom we no longer see- said something to Dallas that you just don't say. He asked very early on when we would be able to know the genders of the babies and she just sort of laughed at him and said, "lets just try and make it through the first trimester first" as if she had no intention of seeing our pregnancy through with us. Needless to say, that was the last time we saw her.  And I think that's when we both became our girls' parents. We felt defensive and proud of them every day through this pregnancy and even more so now. 
On Tuesday September 3rd I was admitted into the hospital for my indefinite stay. I cried my eyes out every step of the way here. Leaving our dogs for this long is the worst thing I've had to do. They are my babies too and I am not the one who is used to leaving home. My heart aches that I don't have them next to me every day. Dallas sends me videos of them so I can still somehow be apart of our new home.