Wednesday-waiting on tomorrow...

"Amy these dates we commemorate - I get it! Noone else does. Friends do not understand why it is memorable...the date we first stepped into the inpatient world - 1 step closer to meeting our babies, and yet still living in a limbo land of the unknown future. The long long days of inpatient stretching before us like eternity. I too so vividly remember that very day, that very moment. The tiny room, the feeling of isolation and confinement...it was so overwhelming. I was very emotional and honestly didnt know how I would get through it. And here we are - on the other side....changed indeed. hugs to you!!!"

This was a woman's post on a momo twins support group. Just makes me realize how delicate and special this pregnancy really is. It is so nice to read other momo mama's comments because no one else can relate to you. I can't tell you the amount of times I've tried explaining my pregnancy to other people and there are so many people who just don't understand. Which is understandable :) I knew nothing about twins before this pregnancy, only that there were identical and fraternal. When I tell people the girls are in the same sac, I get these FAQ's...
"aren't all twins in the same sac?" No.  Less than 1% are.
"why do you have to be in the hospital if everything looks fine?"  Trust me, I wouldn't be here if I didn't have to be. I am here to be monitored daily for decelerations in the girls' heart rates which would indicate a problem and need for emergency delivery.
"When are you due" lol this is the most frustrating question for me because there has never been a due date for my pregnancy and it always leads to a long and confusing conversation. There is no way to plan, or expect a certain date like other pregnancies.  I mean it when I say - things could change in an instant.  My due date was originally December 5th if that makes you feel better :) If our girls continue down this wonderful path of great monitoring sessions, I will most likely deliver around 34 weeks which would be October 24th.  My doctors haven't discussed a scheduled delivery date with me yet, because although 4 weeks seems so soon, that is a lot of time for unforeseen complications. I will be 30 weeks tomorrow and I could not be happier about that. Every single day I still hold my breath and pray to get through these nights just for one more day. So you can imagine how big of an accomplishment each week of a gestational anniversary is.
"How long will you be in the hospital" until the girls are delivered
"How long will they be in the NICU" until they are strong enough to come home
-- this was probably the hardest thing for me to take in. I remember crying every day thinking of delivering and then having my babies taken and not being able to immediately hold them after this long and scary journey. And still- just talking about life after delivery feels like counting your chickens before the eggs hatch. I felt guilty having a baby shower so early - I was scared to have the cribs purchased and set up - I was hesitant to have things monogrammed - what if something goes wrong? Then I feel guilt and shame for even having feelings of "what if".
("Expect miracles" "patience and persistence" "believe and you shall receive")
so thank you to each and every person who has celebrated both our daughters and have not hesitated to expect these little miracles to be our little survivors. It means more to me than you will ever know.

Poppy said to me...In the grand scheme of things this will be the first of many sacrifices you two will make for your family... And that couldn't be any more true. I immediately thought of my parents and our families and all of the sacrifices everyone has made for me and for Dallas and just thought - ya I guess "resting" for a couple of months won't seem so bad later on :)
Oh but this over analytical mind of mine never "rests"...

So looking forward to my dinner date with my handsome husband tonight. We're staying in ;)